The Screwdriver

Once, I was looking for this singular screwdriver and I couldn’t find it anywhere I looked. And mind, I rummaged through everything and every drawer to get it; but sadly resurfaced empty-handed.

My father, bless him, sees me in my disarrayed state and asks what I was looking for. When I told him, he asks me, ‘What colour is it?’

And I answer him and tell him it’s yellow.

He smiles-grins a little, looks me in the eye like he knows some secret I haven’t a clue on, and tells me that there was also a purple one, which was right under my nose and I couldn’t see it even though I searched that place at least three times.

The moral is: sometimes you’re looking for something in this distinct shape and never find it; but once you realise that the shape could change, you may as well find it right in front of you, hidden (or not so hidden) in plain sight, with you not having the least idea on. You just had your sights on something too distinct.

The end you’re looking for may not be there, but that doesn’t mean that there is no end. It just means that there’s a different shape and colour to it.

So open up your mind more as I have learnt to open mine.

Signed,

Midnight Ranter (aka Ayaka)

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Love is a drug, no?

‘Love is a drug, no? It drugs you down to oblivion and then leaves you there to relish on your pain; because why not? You needed to feel something anyway; you needed to feel the thrill and whatever high there was to it, so love gave it to you; only that like any drug, you drown in it and eventually, your air runs out, so you seek more and drown more, left withered away and stuck with your withdrawal symptoms.’

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What did I do? I let go of feelings. I let them float off and stop being such heavy burdens. And in return, that made me almost weightless- almost like a stranded soul afloat amidst the dark corners of the earth. But here’s the funny thing: The Earth is round and has no corners, and yet, all I could ever feel back when I did feel was nothing but pain- a pain that jabbed at me because of all the corners I had stumbled into. A pain that haunted me when I was surrounded between four corners when the earth was round and had no edges. So I gave it up- the pain, that is- and accompanied the one friend that gave me more pleasure than bittersweet, momentary happiness: I acquainted myself with drugs. And I don’t think I’d regret it. Therefore, I’m not feeling.

And tell you what, not feeling feels so bloody good. I’m not willing to go back to the frail, helpless girl controlled by her emotions and feelings. I’m not going to go back to smiling when I had no reason to; to hide my tears underneath the slaps of the rain instead of letting them flow; to say those hateful words everyone always wants to hear- the “I’m fine”. I won’t go back- not when death is such a companionable thought.

And not even when my past decides to knock on my door and let him in.

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Heya lovely readers!

Above was a snippet from–more like a vague introduction to– my written story. I’m still working on it and it needs so much more to be put into it but I wanted to hear your thoughts on it for a start. So please tell me what you think of it! Any good? Give me your thoughts below! 

–Midnight Ranter